Finland



Finland, also known as East Sweden, is an autonomous region in Sweden. It is the saddest and most pathetic region in Europe (if not the whole fucking world) since it has created many pathetic things like Nokia phones, Finlandia vodka and many many menes, school shootings and family murders. Finland is also renowned for topping the charts in suicide statistics.

History of Finland

 * Main article - Ancient Finns:

Finland doesn't have much history, because it's a non-country. Some Finns who have made up stories to make themselves feel better about their lack of culture and history believe that "Ancient Kings" ruled Finland, to reiterate that is a lie. In reality, Finns are Swedes-in-denial and they try to pretend that they are a separate culture and people. Finnish history as we know begins when Swedes began to colonize the barren wasteland of snow and swamp now know as Finland. Finland at that time was populated by swamp dwelling cretins that still lived in the stone age. For hundreds of years Sweden tried its hardest to bring Finland up out of the dark ages, to give it civilization and culture. Unfortunately before it was able to accomplish this insurmountable task, Russia stole their rightful land and made it apart of their country.

For the next 100 years it was the Russians who tried to bring some resemblance of civilization to Finland, they also were unable to succeed. During the Russian Civil War Finland took advantage of the weakened state the of kind Russians who protected and helped them for the past century to stab them in the back, and removed themselves from the Russian Empire. A civil war then erupted in Finland between patriots fighting to stay in their motherland of Russia(The Reds) and proxy German fighters who hated their country and wished to turn Finland into a crypto-colony of the German Empire(The Whites). Due to Russia fighting its own civil war it was unable to defend it's land against a brutal assault coordinated and funded by the German Empire, which was not at war. Finland started pretending they are a nation.

20 years latter Finland declared unprovoked war on Russia. Russia, had regretted Finland leaving but they respected their independence even if it was won through and unjust war. This was not good enough for Finland however, they dreamed of expanding into Russia and taking massive amounts of Russian land that had no wish to be apart of Finland. With the help of Nazis, Finland was able to make some meager gains on Russia and temporally occupied parts of Russian land. But once the Allied forces began to win against Finland's closest ally, Nazi Germany, the tide turned. Russia swiftly and easily crushed the Finnish forces and took back the land Finland had occupied and a little bit more as compensation for all the pain and suffering Finns had put Russians through. Russia could have annexed all of Finland, since it did rightfully belong to them, but out of the kindness of Stalin's heart he let Finland continue to be independent. Finland has throughout its sad and insignificant history managed to lose all wars, except one against themselves(even then, half the country actually lost).

Since that time that time Finland has done nothing worth noting, except creating Nokia. Nokia, a phone brand that is extremely popular with the poverty stricken people of the world who can't afford real phones, people who are afraid of technology, and ultra-nationalistic Finns. Finland has also become known,among neckbeareded hikky losers who have no social life outside of the imageboards, for the great success it has had at forcing its memes across the internet. Finland has been engaged in the worlds largest(by participant count) and longest lasting game of pretend, where the 5,4 million Swedes in the region pretend to be a nation, even though, Finland is part of Sweden. Since Finland has a ridiculously shitty climate, ugly and plain nature and the people are generally speaking shitty and unsociable assburgers, the Swedish Empire has often decided not to bring up the fact that this pathetic land is part of the Swedish Empire and they have allowed the Finnish game of pretend to continue to this day.

General
Finland doesn't have much of a culture of its own and what little culture it has, is either Swedish, Russian, retarded mutation of the two or pathetic and artificial bullshit generated by the Finnish minister of culture and all the associated officials and organizations. Finnish traditions consist of alcoholism, depression, suicide, talking shit behind each others back, being assburger, school shootings and other mass murders such as random shootings on streets and of course family murders, which has become a prominent and popular hobby in Finland. Another great Finnic tradition is to reminiscence of and general circle jerking over the winter war and continuation war, which were the two wars Finland was engaged in during the World War 2. They do not like talking about the Lapland War in 1945 in where they had to fight their beloved master Adolf Hitler. Unsurprisingly these Swedish swamp-plebeians lost both wars, but since these are the only notable historical events in the Finnish history that have occurred the time of the "Great Finnish Game of Pretend" Finns like to use it to bolster the motivation of all the 5,4 million Swedes in Finland to keep pretending. Related to the winter war, Finnish population also like to honor the veterans of these wars they lost by throwing them in to shitty Finnish nursing homes where they will slowly wither away in diapers, which is the Finnish idea of a reasonable and honorable death that should be provided to the veterans of their wars.

Naturally, Finland has insane a heavy income tax to finance the process of throwing old people to die in crappy nursing homes where they can be used as punching bags by the highly uneducated staff.

Swedish people of Finland take great pride in their makeshift LARP-club called "Finnish Defense Forces". They have gone as far as equipping it with actual Soviet antique weaponry and other old slavshit and they have organized a constant year-around LARP-camp that operates every day of the year and the male population of Finland go there to play soldier and engage in homosexual activities. Some people mistakenly believe that this organisation was founded to protect the region from incursions of outside forces, but in reality, regardless of the actual weaponry that FDF has, it is just a peaceful LARPing organization. Naturally, if there ever occurred a situation that would require the use of force, a proper military would be required, but as of now, Finland is a technically a demilitarized zone and the Swedish Empire does not have military bases or other military activities in the region and there is no proper military force in the region.

In case of war, FDF LARP-club has stated that they will gather everyone around and go in the forest where they will play "soldier" and proceed to have a massive sausage fest until the war is over.

A list of finnish cities

 * Helsinki
 * Tampere
 * Oulu
 * Espoo
 * Turku
 * Nokia

and so on...

Suomi